Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I survived 25

I thought that I was mentally prepared for my 25th surgery.  But when I stepped into the pre-op area, the trauma of the past few years came at me like a 10 foot wave.  I felt like I was slapped in the face and knocked to the floor.

My head was pounding that morning so I laid flat in pre-op and listened to music on the I-pod until it was time to take me back.  I had two nurses that had taken care of me in October and they remembered me!  They were both really sweet.  I asked the hospital if I could walk into surgery but they said no because of chemicals they put on the floor. 


When it was time for them to take me back, the tears started flowing and they didn't stop.  It just broke my heart that I was having surgery again after having two less than four months ago.  And I was in no better shape than I was in October when all this hell started so I basically went through all this for nothing.


The anesthesiologist met me at the operating room door to give me something for anxiety.  It didn't really help though.  He also let me take my I-pod into the operating room which was very nice.  That didn't help much either.  I literally cried myself to sleep on the operating table.


I spent about 45 minutes in recovery and then was taken back to my room.  The first time I got up to use the restroom I realized that my low pressure headaches were gone.  I no longer felt like my brain was constantly being squeezed.  I also realized that I was no longer having trouble walking.  Turns out that wasn't caused by the brain bleed at all.  It was a side effect of being over-drained.  That is really scary when you think about it.  I was so close to having some serious damage to my body.


Shortly after I got to my room, I started feeling very nauseous.  I pretty much sat up with my head over a bucket for the majority of my hospital stay.  That nausea went on and off for about three days.  It was so bad that I actually sent my husband and son home Friday night.  I didn't want my son to see me like that.


My blood sugar level had to be checked regularly because it was high during a routine blood test recently and high at the hospital.  I needed to have one injection of insulin.  They did a blood test at the hospital where they could check my levels over a three month period.  The levels were normal during the three month period and went back to normal during my stay so I don't have to worry about it anymore.


I had a great over-night nurse.  She kept me company when I couldn't sleep and took good care of me. 


The next morning my doctor came in to check on me and then I was released.  I have been pretty much sleeping ever since.  I feel like my mind and body are fatigued.  My incision is really swollen so I am feeling a lot of pain. I did have some pressure headaches initially but they seem to be gone now. 


I really wanted to dance with my surgical team but when I realized that wasn't happening, I thought I could dance with my doctor in my room.  But I was so sick that I couldn't make my dance video with him or with my husband.  We were also supposed to take a family photo in the hospital but that didn't happen either.  My husband keeps reminding me that at least I am still alive.  Yes that's true but 25 surgeries is a big deal.  They are traumatizing in case people can't tell.  I just wanted to celebrate that I have survived that many and do something that makes me happy.  I'm sorry but it does make me sad that I couldn't do any of the things that I had planned.  I still want to ask my doctor if we can make our video at a later date.

So now that it's all over, I have a lot of healing to do physically, mentally and emotionally.  And I will be doing it on my terms, in my time. I will not be in a big hurry to recover just so I can get out and do things this summer. Rushing recovery could only cause a setback.  I am going to take as long as my body needs.  I have pretty much been laying down for three years so it is going to take a long time to get my stamina back.  The only thing I am concerned about is getting to CA this summer to see my family, friends, and meet my niece.  That is what matters right now.

Thank you every one for reading this and supporting me.  Also a big thank you to all my friends that are taking my son different places during his spring break this week.


                                            Trying to get my headache under control prior to surgery.

                                         Feeling so sick after surgery.  This is what these surgeries are really like.








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